Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Why, why, why

Earlier today, I told my precious husband I started a blog. After his sarcastic ranting of how he doesn't even know me anymore, he asked me why I started a blog. It got me thinking, and I figured the answer to that question is probably important.

Although I am only 23 years old, I have done things and learned things most people my age don't get to until they are in their late 20s or 30s. I'm a little old for my age. And not just in maturity. My insides are old too. I always joke about having the insides of a 99 year old woman. I have Crohn's disease, interstitial cystitis, severe allergies (joy!) and the occasional asthma. Also, I had a exploratory surgery looking to see if I have endometriosis. At the time, the dr said he found nothing. However, every visit since then he has said I do have it. So in december of '06 I didn't have it, but last week he said I did. Add it to the list, I suppose.

Anyway, like most kids, in high school and my first year or two of college I rebelled. A LOT. It wasn't until I started getting sick, I began to change the way I live. When I was finally brought to my knees and changed, I realized just how big of a mess I had made my life.

Three years ago, I spent one restless night at my parents' house. I couldn't sleep. And I remember crying and being frustrated with every part of me. I was raised in a Christian home and I knew how to pray. But somehow I had forgotten what a real relationship with God was. That night, My God reached down and pulled me out of my pit. It was not until then I discovered the true meaning of grace and mercy.

As I began to bask in the love God poured out on me, I made him a promise. For as long as I live, I will share my experience with whoever needs it. No matter what the cost, I won't hold anything about His love, grace, or mercy back. He did not share it with me to hoard. He allowed me to experience Him so I could share with others. So that is why....

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My Kaylea

My Kaylea